Reepurz
by TheDragonLover
Summary: .“Ron!” He struck a dramatic pose with his arms outstretched, sparks shooting from his fingertips. “He can shoot lightning from his palms and cause mass chaos before disappearing in the blink of an eye!” “Shut up, Ron.” Funny shorts in Reapers' POV.
1. Chapter 1

Suddenly, all he could see was black.

He had been holed up in a cage in a tunnel for what seemed to be months, although in reality it was only two hours, but then he had heard a metallic screech and found himself covered in some heavy substance that made him collapse onto the floor. Even when he tried to use his newly found powers to break free, he couldn't escape the effects of the tar and was stuck to the ground, writhing in pain. He was unable to stop the transformation that occurred, turning him from an imprisoned citizen of Empire City into a Reaper conduit.

After what felt like hours of lying there, another Reaper opened the cage and tossed him a gun and a tattered yellow hoodie to get into. "Get up," came that rough voice, and he decided to obey if only to see what was going on. His memory was fuzzy now–after such a strong psychological torture and sudden mutation, it was a wonder he wasn't a vegetable–so he decided to ask his companion what his name was.

"Name?" The Reaper scoffed, but he paused to think about it. "We didn't bother learning your old name, but I guess we can call you a new one."

The newly made conduit grinned (although you wouldn't be able to tell because his hood was up) and asked, "Ooh, how about "The Amazing Deathbringer"?"

The guy just stared at him, remaining silent.

He sighed. "Okay, fine. How about . . . Ron?" He nodded. "I like the sound of that. Ron!" He struck a dramatic pose with his arms outstretched, sparks shooting from his fingertips. "He can shoot lightning from his palms and cause mass chaos before disappearing in the blink of an eye!"

"Shut up, Ron." The red Reaper continued down the tunnel, shaking his head at the energetic conduit. "And call me Keith."


	2. Chapter 2

Ron pointed out a man running around in a black-and-yellow outfit to his new friend. "Hey, Keith . . . who the hell is that?" The man was leaping across rooftops above them, and he realized that was the way he avoided most of the Reapers. So it was little wonder he had never seen him before, considering he was ordered on ground patrol with Keith.

A growling sound came from the black abyss underneath the red hood. "That bastard has been frying our gang for a few days now with his _own_ lightning powers. The guy's freaking psychotic! He ambushes us when we're on our breaks!"

Ron shivered at the thought of such a terrible person. "Geez, what kind of guy just runs around and kills people without a thought?" Gripping his gun tightly, he then asked, "Should we shoot him?"

"No!" Keith grabbed the conduit's arm warningly. "That man'll hunt us down and crush us with cars before we can say "oh shit"! It's better to let the mad bombers take care of him; it's not like _they_ have much to live for, anyways."

"Yeah, you're probably right." He remembered the first time he had met a mad bomber; the man had been staring at a wall for half an hour before suddenly cackling in a way that chilled his mutated soul. He hated those Reapers and tried to avoid them as much as possible, although that was hard to do when walking around the streets. "Those crazy bastards don't have any intelligence, anyways."

Little did he know that a mad bomber, appropriately named Spazz, had overheard their conversation, and he sat fuming against the wall before beginning to plot. _Soon,_ he cooed his raging black heart, _Spazz will have his day. Yes, he will!_ Giggling quietly before stifling it to remain hidden, he slinked off down the alleyway to locate some disgusting food for himself.


	3. Chapter 3

They had been given a mission to prevent the train containing the hostages from being saved, and they chatted as they patrolled the rails in search of any intruders. Of course, they were talking about their job.

"So, we have to keep this train from moving?" When Keith nodded in confirmation, the conduit hummed in thought. "But, what if that Cole guy comes here?"

"Then we have to shoot or be shot." At Ron's startled gasp, the Reaper asked, "What, did you think we were going to _ask_ him to leave? He'd zap us before we could blink!"

"Yeah, I know . . ." The conduit sighed and shook his head. "I just didn't think I'd have to face him so soon. I mean, just yesterday I watched him kill Jessie, and now _I'm_ going to fight him!" He shivered at the horrifying memory. "I could die today."

Keith patted him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Well, as long as you shoot that gun like a maniac and blast away with your lightning, I'm sure he won't mess with you."

A heavyset Reaper that they passed looked at them with what might have been a sneer if they could see it. "Alright, you fags! Are you going to continue being gay or are you going to guard the damn train?" Jack was a constant bully in their group, being the only one wielding a rocket launcher and therefore believing to be better than them, and they gave him a scowl and a rude hand gesture before continuing their patrol quietly.

Ron frowned as a thought came to mind after a minute of quiet, and he mumbled to the Reaper, "Hey . . . what if that Cole guy comes to get the train? How do we stop it?"

Keith came to a halt, as if realizing the importance of that question but unable to find an answer. The conduit stopped as well and waited patiently, and eventually he got, "Uhh . . . that's a good question."

Suddenly, an explosion at the front of the train caused them to whip around to investigate, but then the once out of commission train thrust forward and down the rails past them. They tried to catch up to it and failed, and as they shot at the man on the front car Ron shouted, "See, _this_ is why we need better missions!"

"Shut up, Ron!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Shit!" The Reaper dodged a rolling car and turned around to shoot some more, screaming, "Dammit, Ron, what the hell did you do!"

"He saw me, oh God, he's gonna kill me!" The conduit ducked behind a dumpster to hide from the human light socket that was after his hide, panicking at the thought of dying via electrical frying. "I didn't hit him, what does he want from me?!"

Keith tossed a Molotov cocktail before putting all of his attention on running, shouting to Ron, "Just shut up and run!" When they heard the explosion but still had to avoid lightning bolts, the red-hooded Reaper cursed before searching for an escape route. He grabbed the flailing conduit's arm and ducked into another alleyway to try to lose Cole.

They stood among the trash panting heavily at the exertion of running, but when they heard footsteps they held their breath in fear. Ron crouched and covered his head with his hands, praying to whatever higher being the Reapers believed in that they wouldn't get caught. Unfortunately, the being seemed to be ignoring his pleas, for the dumpster was flung away to reveal them and they had to duck-and-roll to avoid a bolt of lightning.

As they sprinted around another corner, Ron screamed to his friend, "Why won't he leave us alone?!"

"Shut up, Ron!" Then, as if realizing something, he stopped running and shouted, "Wait, can't you just zoom us away?"

". . . oh, right!" Grabbing Keith's arm, the conduit then rushed to the nearest roof that was at least five stories high, and he sighed in relief at his friend's quick thinking. "Thanks, I completely forgot about that!" When the Reaper smacked the back of his head, however, he hissed and shouted, "Hey, what was _that_ for?"

"For being a dumbass, you dumbass! You could have done that the whole time!" Then, sighing and letting his anger deflate, he took a seat on the floor and leaned up against the wall, mumbling, "Sasha's gonna be pissed."

Ron winced and sat beside him, hanging his head between his knees. "Oh, yeah, she is. Sorry."

"Not your fault. Well . . . only a little your fault. _Mostly_ that jackass' fault!" Keith growled and gripped the air as if it was the man's throat. "Man, how I'd love to strangle that sonuvabitch to death! Him and his _super special lightning powers . . ._"

"Whose "super special lightning powers"?"

While Ron tensed in fear at the voice, Keith hadn't realized who had said that as he turned to look at him. "Did you have a memory lapse or something? That _bastard's_, that's whose!" He didn't seem to notice the shadow that fell over them, which hadn't been there before.

"Uhh . . . Keith?"

"Yeah?"

"That wasn't me."

". . . shit."


	5. Chapter 5

"This is just great."

They sat behind bars in the jail, glad to be alive but furious that Cole had restrained them to the roof until the cops had arrived to put them away. Ron sat in a corner sulking while Keith paced in contemplation, kicking pebbles across the floor and cursing the "superhero" to Hell. An ordinary robber sat with them as well, but he was asleep now and ignored them when he wasn't.

"Let it go, Keith, we can't kill him." The conduit's voice was sullen and depressed, a surprising change in the normally curious and upbeat Reaper. "He's just too strong."

He cast him a scowl and told him, "I know that! I'm thinking of a way to escape!" Resuming his pacing and ignoring the robber's snores, he kept that up for several minutes before he stopped and smacked his palm with his fist. "I've got it! We can get the attention of a mad bomber to blow up the wall!"

He ran to the tiny window and waited for a long time, tapping his foot impatiently and causing Ron to get curious. Eventually the conduit asked him, "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for a bomber." Then he suddenly swung his arms around and started screaming, "Hey, you, come here! Yeah, _you!_" The mad bomber shuffled over, and the Reaper motioned towards the wall. "A little help here?"

The bomber tilted his head and stared at him for a moment, and then he squealed and shouted, "Ooh, Spazz remembers you! Spazz remembers the two who spoke ill of the bombers! Spazz will kill you for such blasphemy!" Giggling hysterically, he took out his explosives and let out a primitive shriek, but when Keith had rolled out of the way a sudden rocket struck Spazz's back and caused an explosion not of his own doing. The blast threw parts of the now broken wall into the room, but luckily it missed Keith as he coughed at the dust it kicked up. The robber on the bed, however, was not so lucky, having a blanket of rubble overwhelm him, placing him in an eternal state of sleep.

Ron had jumped to his feet to help in some way, but he watched as Jack stepped over the rubble and roughly pulled Keith to his feet. "Do I _always_ have to save you fags' asses?" Grumbling darkly, he turned to Ron and jerked his head dismissively. "Come on, Sasha's waiting for you guys."

The two winced at the name, and Keith mumbled, "Shit . . ." Reluctantly, they followed the oversized Reaper and wished they could have stayed in the cozy cell for a little longer. They weren't prepared to meet Sasha's wrath.


	6. Chapter 6

Keith kicked a piece of rubble on the sidewalk as they strolled around town, passing frightened passerby without a care in the world. They were too ecstatic about other things to enjoy the citizens' fear. "I can't believe Sasha let us off the hook so easy!"

"Yeah, I know!" Ron certainly had his trademark bounce in his step, and he was surely grinning underneath the nasty yellow hood of his. "I mean, she was in such a good mood that she complimented my shoes!"

"Shut up, Ron. They're ugly. She just wanted to butter you up." Shaking his head when even that didn't kill Ron's mood, the red-hooded Reaper chuckled darkly and commented, "Besides, I think she's just glad that the contaminated water is working so well."

"Oh, yeah, that was a stroke of genius." Ron motioned around him, finally taking the time to take in their surroundings as he pointed out puddles of oozing black sludge. "More and more people are getting sick and dying, and some of them are even being recruited! That means more allies!"

"Yeah . . ." Then a thought came to Keith that he didn't like, and his tone held a verbal frown. "That also means that Sasha could grow tired of us."

Ron halted in his tracks, his own frown forming underneath his tattered hood. "What do you mean?" His naivety was strange, considering he was a mass-murdering villain in a ruthless gang with an uncontrollable bloodlust.

Keith scowled. "What do you mean, what do I mean?"

"What do _you_ mean, what do I mean, what do you mean?"

"Shut up, Ron!" The red Reaper through his arms into the air, voice cracking uncharacteristically as he grew nearly frantic. "Eventually, she'll think we're useless and kill us on the spot! Henchmen are only valuable for a while, until you get newer, _better_ henchmen with biological upgrades!" Working into a panicked frenzy, he ranted on, "One day, she'll tell someone like Jack to blow us up because we aren't updated models or some shit, and _ka-boom!_ No more us! Blown to smithereens! Bye-bye, Empire City! Hello, Hell!"

"I thought this _was_ Hell, tho–"

"Shut _up,_ Ron! Shut up, shut up, _shut the fuck up!_" He started to shake violently, staring at his trembling hands as if he was a ticking time bomb. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut u–"

_Wham!_

Keith was momentarily stunned by the feel of Ron's fist colliding with his nose beneath his hood, and a silence fell between the two of them. Suddenly sounding annoyed, the Conduit shouted, "Get a hold of yourself, Keith! We're still alive! Take a chill pill!"

He massaged his nose thoughtfully for a moment, absorbing his words. ". . . thanks, Ron. I-I needed that."

He seemed satisfied with his companion's quieted mumble. "Now," he clapped his hands together eagerly, "how about we go check out that Reaper Gentlemen's Club down the street? I've heard they've got cats for sale!"

"Ron, they're not _really _. . . never mind."


End file.
